The mutterings of a rubber chicken

Friday, July 28, 2006

Watching John Malkovich

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It's been an exciting week. Not.

Work, more work and even more work. It's going to be like this for the next couple of months and then it's all over. And I can't wait.

But I've decided to relax this weekend and watch a few movies. Last night I saw "Being John Malkovich" again. Always worthy of repeat viewing. My favourite scene is where JM enters his own portal and suddenly everyone is Malkovich (quite fetching in a red dress, John!) and can only utter the word Malkovich.

John Malkovich has a voice that sends shivers down my voice. Quite delicious. So, what better followup for today than Dangerous Liaisons?

It's beyond my control.

When it comes to JM, I truly believe it is.

Monday, July 24, 2006


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One of my birthday presents was an iPod. I know I'm a bit behind but I've never been keen on one and I couldn't really see why I'd want one. And, apart from that, I'm kind of clueless about the technology.

But, then, my turntable/record player died, leaving me without any method of playing my beloved 80 vinyls.

Daggy though it is, this rubber chicken is prone to having the occasional mad hour of 80s music. Ah, the memories....

Suddenly, it was all taken away from me and I was left with the option of making a Blancmange fruit bowl, a Thomas Dolby soap dish and the Soft Cell sock basket....until someone took pity on my ignorance and pointed out I could download all of these old records online.

An iPod finally beckoned.

It's love. Not only for me but for the Janitor, who seems to have been on another planet during the 80s judging from his record collection. Aieee.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Old Chook

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Yep, another cutting-edge Photoshop effort from TCW.

*Say, where's the sarcasm font characteristic on this blogging thing?*

Still, cut me some slack. It is my birthday and I am feeling a little rough around the edges.

Cake? Not for me. For one thing, this is my first birthday as a coeliac chicken and gluten free cake largely has the consistency and taste of a brick. Secondly, I am supposed to be on a three day carbohydrate binge for a medical test tomorrow but had to stop. Carbs apparently make me sick.

So. Help yourself to the cake. It's only been sat in by one rubber chicken.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

And the Bloscar....

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for dumbest blogger goes to ...........


....The Cleaning Woman!

Yes, hmm. Dubious honour that one but well deserved.

Turns out I had restricted comments on this blog to a select few (you know who you are, doesn't that make you feel good about yourself?)

So, if you're the German speaking individual who's been plaguing my hotmail address with offers of a hot and spicey knockwurst, leave it out or rather leave it here.

One knockwurst in the comment section is worth ten in the mailbox so they say.

OH. And this fabulous photo of me and friend is courtesy of the truly gifted Sookey Jane. If you haven't checked out her fabulous website at The Compleat Steve (see side bar), you don't know what you're missing.

Of course, if you're not partial to Steve Martin, that wouldn't amount to much.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Boom, baby!

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Well, I'm still typing in those questionnaires which means life at the moment is pretty mundane. The only exciting part of this is some of the comments people feel they need to make in response to some of the questions, even though only a tick in the box is required. So far it's all about sex, obesity and God, not that any of that is related to the issue in question.

And I'm getting all kinds of things sent to me. Religious pamphlets, a brochure on Viagara (!?!), picture cards. Very interesting.

Anyway, enough of that unless you're into statistics. If multivariate analysis is your thing, baby, rock on over.

In the meantime, I did get tagged and so here are things you may not have known (and never wanted to know!) about me.

A) Four jobs I have had in my life (not listed in order of preference)

1. Oracle Database Adminhenstrator
2. Shoe saleschicken
3. Henalyst/Programmer
4. Psycholochickst.

B) Four movies I would watch over and over

1. TENG (see above)
2. Love Actually
3. LA Story
4. Schindler's List

C) Four places I have lived

1. Sydney
2. London
3. Backnang
4. Wantage

D) Four TV shows I love to watch

1. House
2. Northern Exposure (on DVD)
3. The Amazing Race
4. Kommisar Rex (I'm NOT watching for the dog ;) )

E) Four places I have been on vacation

1. Tunisia
2. Fuerteventura
3. Los Angeles
4. Vienna

F) Four websites I visit when I can

1. The Compleat Steve
2. Rubber chicken anonymous
3. BBC World News

G) Four of my favorite foods

1. Gluten free fettucine
2. Chocolate (for medicinal purposes)
3. Cheese (the harder to pronounce, the better)
4. Spaetzle

H) Four places I would rather be right now

1. Anywhere but entering these questionnaires
2. Writing something more interesting on my blog
3. In bed watching House
4. Vienna, with a huge slice of Sachertorte and a revved up espresso


Monday, July 10, 2006

Snowed under!

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It seemed like a good idea at the time.

A mailout of 1000 questionnaires, running at 24 pages long.

Yep. That's until I get them back and have to enter all the data. For those not in the know, I'm in the middle of my thesis (or rather towards the end of my thesis and running extremely late). So it's going to be many a late night inputing data across 300 variables for each and every single questionnaire.

I mean. The world needs to know about the habits of rubber chickens, right?

So less time blogging. Until I need a distraction that is.

Let's see how long I last out.

I'll give myself 24 hours.


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Where in the world is TCW? (2)

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I've been thinking about this city of late.

It's been quite a while since I visited and I wouldn't mind going back sometime soon.

Even if the French are rude to us Brits.

Even if they charge ridiculous prices.

Even if they insist on having wierd toilet habits.

I once saw someone take a dump on the metro platform, calmly wipe and walk away.

Really. First person to say "no s**t!" gets booted.

Extreme behaviour but, even so, I'm not convinced by some of their toilet facilities.

When I was there in the 80s, they'd installed a number of automated toilet units, kind of like a lavatorial Tardis. You'd go in, the door would shut behind you and you'd be cocooned. Piped music, the toilet would autoflush and clean. All very good.

Until you notice the soundtrack is Thriller.

And the soundtrack is sounding a little warped.

And the toilet won't stop flushing.

And the door won't open.

And you're feeling a little claustrophobic.

And you need to get rescued.

Suddenly, the hole in the ground business makes a great deal of sense.

Do I really want to go back?

A pain chocolat and coffee on the bustling Champs Elysee with a background murmur of one of the most beautiful sounding lanuages in the world?

You betcha.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Which painting are you?

So asks El Cameleon.

Very interesting question and one I wasn't able to answer fully at her blog because of my blogging ineptitude and wanton laptop. Still, a short rap with the sharp stick resolved that issue.

I'd love to be a Picasso nude but my chicken flesh is probably not that attractive. So, I guess I'd have to say I'm this gal.

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"Oh, Alright" by Roy Lichtenstein.

Mind you, this gal sits in Steve Martin's personal collection. Why on earth would she want to say no?

Monday, July 03, 2006

Fawlty Laptop

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Basil and I have something in common.

He feels about his car exactly the same way I feel about this laptop.

Come on, start up, will you!? Start up, you vicious bastard!!

Come on! Oh my God! I'm warning you — if you don't start up…

*screams with rage*

I'll count to three.

*she presses the start key, without success*

One…two…three…!!Right! That's it!

*she leaps out of the chair and addresses it*

You've tried it on just once too often! Right!

Well, don't say I haven't warned you! I've laid it on the line to you time and time again! Right!

Well…this is it! I'm going to give you a damn good thrashing!

*she rushes off and comes back with a large branch*

* she beats the car without mercy*

Hey, it worked. Mr. Cleese, sir? You are a legend.

*keeping big pointy stick to the right of the keyboard*