The mutterings of a rubber chicken

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Poop psychology

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I'm working flat out. I'm tense. I'm stressed.
And everybody knows it.

So, it was a thoughtful (or brave?) Janitor who dropped one of those little self-help, touchy feely books that booksellers always place by the cash register, to be bought by your insecurities.

Useful. And I thought it worth passing a few hints on.

Change
Embrace change but don't get into heavy petting with it.

Stress in the workplace
When you are experiencing stress in the workplace, there is nothing more soothing than a cup of herbal tea. Make the tea in a large mug, add a generous spoonful of organic honey, then pour the contents over the desktop pc of the person who's been getting up your nose.

You can do it
Think of your negative feelings as fruit or vegetables.
Your sadness is a tomato.
Your anxiety is a marrow.
Your guilt is a cucumber.
Crush the tomato. Squash the marrow.
Sit on the cucumber.

Satisfying
Satisfy your inner child by eating ten tubes of Smarties.

Appearances
You don't really need makeup.
Celebrate your authentic face by frightening people on the street.

Trust
Trust your feelings. Give them space to express themselves. Let them go out to the shops on their own. But tell them not to take sweets from strangers.

I'm feeling better already.

From The Little Book of Complete B******s by Alistair Beaton.

2 Comments:

Blogger el.cameleon said...

I like it!

9:58 AM

 
Blogger mckay said...

i know what book i'm buying tonight...
glad you're feeling better :0)

4:43 PM

 

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